Sunday, August 17, 2008

Monday, August 4, 2008

Monday, July 14, 2008


I'm very excited

about this comic I just started reading.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Old-timey Puppy Fashions

Kate Blanchett may look devilishly alluring in her 16th-Century Sex outfit:

But we're all glad that Salem narrowly escaped the puppy version of this style statement earlier today:

We're in Boston visiting the ladies, and Eadie the cat scratched his little baby cornea last night! I took him to the vet this morning where he was forced to take 2 shots, some ointment in the eye, and worst (or best, depending on who you are), a thermometer up the butt!

My little darling is quite knackered on the duvet now, but at least his style is in tact.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

"Too many cells." -- Thanks for Nothing Pyongyang: A Feminist Tragicomedy

Grandpa told me that only a certain sort of lady drinks beer out of the bottle. Similarly, I believe only a certain kind of lady would bother writing about a difficulty with the Bush Administration on a blog. I'm keeping my ladyhood in tact today, but I am thinking it's a damn shame medicine is blocked from using stem cells and stem cell research to its fullest healing/prevention capacity.

Everyone's heard of the concept of cryogenically freezing one's dead body, and thanks to a recent This American Life episode, the topic may be fresh in our minds. Well, we might not all fancy the idea of being raised from the dead, but these people: Celle Client Testimonial are now helping women cryogenically freeze their own stem cells (from the cha cha, so to speak) that they may be able to use them to their future advantage in treating diseases like osteoporosis, heart disease, stroke, Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s that may spring up in themselves or family members.

Dang. Remember when the government froze Scully’s ovum on the X-Files? I do. Vital stem cell freezing is kind of like that but mostly better, because maybe now you won’t die super young. And omg, you can harvest them yourself, look:
I read this press release about it (note celle/c’elle as oh such a witty little triumph for some medical business advertiser):

Taking Control: Future Therapies for a Host of Serious Diseases May Be Found in Women's Menstrual Blood

July 07, 2008: 01:28 PM EST

OLDSMAR, Fla., July 7 /PRNewswire-FirstCall/ -- With today’s hectic lifestyle, where most women are juggling careers, family, relationships, and a host of activities, the idea of possibly facing a serious illness in the future is not something that readily comes to mind -- especially when a woman is in the prime of her life. But what most women don’t know, is that the key to treating a number of possibly life-threatening diseases that she, a parent, a sibling or even her children may face in later years, such as osteoporosis, heart disease, stroke, Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease, may be found within her own body -- in vital stem cells, which can now be harvested from her own menstrual blood.

Now, thanks to the revolutionary research and technology of C’elle, a service dedicated to providing women with a safe and easy method of collecting and preserving stem cells found in her menstrual fluid each month, even the busiest woman can take control of her future, right in the privacy of her own home. With C’elle’s non-invasive collection process, menstrual cells are processed and cryo-preserved (stored at a very low temperature) for potential cellular therapies that may be used in the future. These self-renewing cells one day may even be used for sports medicine or cosmeceutical treatments, such as anti-aging therapies.

Tough Economy? Take control...with the click of a mouse on a pop-up calendar to mark your next cycle, order C'elle online for a limited-time introductory price at

Sunday, July 6, 2008

LL cool L

I remember when we all discovered Dakota Fanning had a little sister. She contained that same precocious sass in half the space! In the toy dog world, you pay extra for less. Jessica Simpson has a younger, slightly uglier sister. We were delighted! The same goes for Brit, but she's been taunted enough.

Anyway, the news on everyone's lips is the recent "coming out" (no, I mean debutante-style) of Lindsay Lohan's 12 year old sister, Ali. Ali is being positioned to inherit the crown by her terrible mother, who will be her manager. She's already had a starring role in Lindsay's music video, Confessions Of A Broken Heart, based on their stormy relationship with 44-year-old father. One scene features a striken Ali pulling her hair out while her music-video-father punches her music-video-mother. Ahem.

In a recent interview, Lindsay said of Ali's performance: "I cried when I saw it. It is like therapy in a way." My therapy is trying to starve my dog so it will look smaller and cuter.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Oh, blog-o-sphere.

Mostly these days it is all puppy, puppy-face, making kissy face at puppy, hiking, biking and shows (no hiking and biking), brunches, coffees, reading about Mormons, accessorizing, and, of course, working at the Publishing course in the Journalism school. Besides my real job, I’m also doing some ChaCha guiding for cash. I’ve gotten so many people into it that now I get 10% of their earnings as well (not that it’s really any more than chump change, but at times I can be a simple, simple boy or girl).

It may already be obvious that I’m also doin’ a couple of sponsored blog posts heya and theya. It’s pretty cool because there are few things I do more of already than putz around on the internet, and now I can do that for bucks. The founder of this feast is payperpost.

I’m neutral about the morality of advertising at this point in my life (even sort of excited by its brand-face imaging. It’s like fashion and personal style, right? Oh…), so everybody is happy in this situation. It’s kind of great making weird fluff money on the internet, it kind of justifies freakishly gratuitous purchases like oh, I don’t know, a new ipod touch 16gb from amazon? Daaaaaaang gurl.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Fluff n' stuff

You're all smart enough to figure out where the great fireworks displays are. But here are a few other fun ideas for revelry on the 4th:
What to do on the 4th of July
  • Nathan's Famous 4th of July Hot Dog Eating Contest

Drop by Coney Island before it drops into the bay! Maybe you'll run into last year's winner who gorged his throat on 66 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes.
From 116th and Broadway, take the 1 train to Times sq, then the Q or N downtown to Coney Island-Stillwell Ave. Opening festivities begin at noon.

  • Roosevelt Island

If you want to beat the Manhattan crowds, head to the other Island for the East River fireworks display. It's not free, but a ticket will get you a seat with a view, live music and entertainment for the kids, including clowns, jugglers and face painting. Grab a hot dog or hamburger from the food court, sit back in your folding chair (they're provided for all ticket holders) and watch the show. Leave the coolers, backpacks and alcoholic beverages at home; they're not allowed. 5pm adults, tickets $18 available at Manhattan Tram Station (2nd Ave. and 60th St.), online ( or at the site on July 4; Southpoint, southern tip of Roosevelt Island. From 116th and Broadway, take the 1 train to Times sq, then get out and walk to 42nd and 6th ave, take the F from the Bryant Park station Uptown to Roosevelt Island.

  • Dinosaur BBQ in NYC (their slogan is "if you leave here hungry it's your fault!) has live music and outdoor seating near the water where you may be able to catch the fireworks. It's a Harlem tradition to roll into this large-living rib-joint anytime you have something to celebrate. They take reservations, and have info about their music online ( ). From 116th and Broadway, just walk north to 131st st, and turn left. The cross street is 12th ave.
  • The Great Fourth of July Festival

Wander up and down water street in a spectacular spectacular of American culture with an international twist . Ever had a deep-fried snickers bar before? It's probably time. Ever eaten the worm before? Now you have! You'll also meander by 600 global food, arts, crafts and merchandise vendors. From 116th and Broadway, take the 1 train to Fulton (you can transfer to the 2, 3 express at 96th if you want).Water St. between State and Fulton Sts, 10am-8pm.

No Way

more cat pictures

Monday, June 23, 2008


God Bless Lord Salem Heimlick.

He's getting bigger, with no signs of stopping (until he maxes out at about 4 pounds, that is). His teeth are getting bigger, which are the better to bite the dang heck out of my arms and ankles.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

On-Watch at LA Police Gear

Apparently people in outdoorsy style professions require extreme-style watches, built for all weather, terrain and coolness situations. These watches cost extreme dollars, so I’m thinking a trip to Luminox would be the mild way to wrap that wild power to your wrist.

Navy Seals shop here. I don’t know any of those, but mama done told me: “Don’t be xenophobic!” On the outskirts of the xenophobia which I’m basically managing to skirt is the desire to make my overboard purchases (read: navy seal super under water catapult death watch) from the privacy of my own home. Good news, fellow ‘fradies! You can fax, call, or buy on the web.

ps I’m paid to write this ad, but it’s a legitimate situation, so you know.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

The name of my game

I have become a maker and a taker on the internet. Chacha, blogging for advertisers, selling organs and virginities on Craigslist... Anyway, I'm going to have to go ahead and refer you to this business which I copied and pasted from a larger blog to make my own ridic blog to generate takers. My friend V did this, and it is BOSS. Help make our co-dreams come true.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

I heard that in the South they fry greenbeans.

I've left my foul mouth in exchange for some fair weather. Down here in Gulf Breeze, Florida, Xander and I have taken naps and eaten lunch so far, also looked for sting rays.

A usual non-office/non-school afternoon for me in NY includes a couple non-fat lattes, a couple pages of work, a couple cockroaches, a couple un-perfumed subway rides, and a couple hours searching for the appropriate hott accessory at Filene's Basement. I've got lattes and pages here, but this time, there's hella sun, sky and water. We are having fun.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Goodbye small hands, goodbye small heart

If those movers and messers don't quit their witching-hour reggaeton outside my window, do you know what I am going to bring?

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Change of Plan

Actually, baby baby's name is now Hester Woolf. Terrifying and Grand, no?

Also, Xander and I have been watching Are You Afraid of the Dark? And basically YES I WAS in the nineties. I remember when that fire station episode came out, I couldn't look at a candle straight on for about two years. Now I'm mostly focusing on the black ankle socks and oversize terrycloth plaid these poor ugly girls are wearing. You poor ugly girls!

I was not born in the Champagne Region

...but I do have sparkling taste in youtube videos.

Thursday, May 29, 2008


Well, little Hester Emma Lesbia Sappho did not like her rolly-aroundy ball. She did, however, enjoy her happy-time hut.

While H.E.L.S whiles away the hours, I've been eating alt rock choco dessert ( ) which is tasti science, and maneuvering the other deeds which make up a life.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Name my Tiny Friend!

I definitely got a hamster with a tiny little beautiful habitat and she needs a beautiful name. Cosmopolitan Magazine Junior is her surname, and I'm looking for a gentle pretty little first name that will highlight her grave beauty and stunner coat.

Ruby, Mirabella, Estella, Lindsay Lohan 2, Clementine, Sweetnesspiefriend (from Liza), Wollstonecraft Jr, Charlotte...

She wouldn't really stop moving long enough for a portrait. Mostly she's been hiding cigarettes underneath her bedding and developing an eating disorder.

Also, she has a mineral lick shaped like an ice cream cone.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Fung Wha-t the Fuck

When the bus breaks down, it's more like a slow burn than machine gun fire. I am more like machine gun fire than a slow burn, however.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

I'm Bringing Awkward Back

We've all seen the athletic "cheerleader-style" shorts with writing on the butt. SLUT, you might want to notify the public by way of your derriere. PRINCESS. Because of a late-night bar-stay last night, some friends and I ended up having a sleepover in Cambridge which lead to me borrowing a pair of buttshorts as PJ's, and I found myself as a first-time spankypants LIFEGUARD.
This is where culture is right now:Because I'm an idea-man, using my talents and frame of experience, this is where I'd like to take it:Let me know size and color preference.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Holly Holiday

Another day, another brush with the Zodiac. An impromptu bustrip has lead me to Boston for the weekend yet again, and straight into the clutches of an "educational" astrological boardgame. Nobody can argue this out of existence. On the way here my coach was quite crowded as it is (bless) a holiday weekend, and (bless) my row-companion had an unfortunate case of gas. But I calmed myself with a diet coke (just a slight bit spilled on my breezy summer top-- rayon for no seat wrinkling) and 4 downloaded episodes of Weeds on my laptop.

In one more piece of new I briefly met Terrence Hayes at work today, and he is way more dapper (one dapper-fine man) than I would have thought.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Eating up style

I don't know how it is that I'd forgotten about these little dainties. Rice cakes are my north, my south, my east, my west of the carbohydrate/starch group and they are multi-beneficial. Clocking in at about zero calories, they're the perfect vehicle for flavor (think hummus, laughing cow), or goddamn you could buy a pre-flavored white-cheddar pack. And then some people like the brown rice variety. Also, rice totally helps with oily skin, so bouche! I am going to get about $75 worth out of this rice cake.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Monday, April 14, 2008

On Baggage

....or Miss Haversack at Twenty

This is the handbag that BCBGmaxazria built. This is the handbag that I bought. Delightful.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Irish Dance orphan does modeling

Don't pretend you're not a little bit into this.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

On Lengthening

 William Blake

The Human Dress is forg├ęd Iron,
The Human Form, a fiery Forge,
The Human Face, a Furnace seal'd,
The Human Heart, its hungry Gorge.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Cartographers Alpha

Lads and lasses of verse.

...some collage design credit is due elsewhere, but this is the internet, which is not a real thing.

Monday, March 3, 2008

On Adaptation

I see my dear Madeleine,
That your heart is living well;
I believe it's not for sorrow,
That I toil to return there.

...This is fun because tache also means stain.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

On eros

Here is what Plato said when he was pretending to be Apollodorus, who was pretending to be Socrates, who was pretending to be Diotima: "It would take divination to figure out what you mean. I can't."

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

On Fluency

O'Keeffe BLUE LINES 1916 Watercolor

On Pathos and Cartoon Cats

Plus, an excerpt from Ray the Cat's most recent blog (in which the ME is, naturally, Roast Beef the Cat):

RAY: Dude, I just had the mother of all pedicures. This girl Xa Bi was rubbin’ on my doggies so hard and long, I don't mind tellin' you that I closed my eyes and thought about the act for like half an hour.

ME: Well that's fine I mean I hope you did not get a nasty old tumescence though.

RAY: Like hell I didn't! Why you think I go there?

ME: To have your feet cleaned and your nails trimmed and perhaps some calluses scraped, I don't know.

RAY: Don't get me wrong, they do that. But a big part of their service is the whole fantasy angle. It's like, "Wink, nudge, you are making me hot as the devil, and don't you know it, you sweet little mystical peach."

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Carson on Friday. A fragment:

I do not want to be a person.
I want to be unbearable.
There are things unbearable.
Legs alas.
Legs die.

Rocking themselves down,
crazy slow,
some ballet term for it--
fragment of foil, little

little drunk,
little do,
little oh,

Sunday, February 3, 2008

A beginning.

Station, 1985.

Oddly, anaphora for euphoria. Do I need another aphorism?